I Lift Things Up and Put Them Down

The gym. You lift things up and put them down. It might just be your legs, but for many people it is dumbbells. However, dumbbells at the gym takes on a whole new meeting when you are talking about the oblivious gym member.

Let's review them.

Mr. Uuunnnggghhhh - If you can't handle the weight you are lifting, maybe you shouldn't be lifting it. You are wasting more energy than you should when you are doing this uuunnngggghhhh sound, and it sounds like you are ripping something important when you do it.

Mr. & Mrs. Snap - The gym is NOT meant to be a photo-shoot set for your Facebook page. It's a place that you are come to work out. It's not like the hair salon where you go to look pretty, it's a place for sweating and working out.

The Gym Potato - Yes, people, there are televisions at the gym. Yes, they are there for you to look at while you are treading along on the elliptical machine, and 95% of the time people aren't even listening to them. They are working out to the music that they have one their own iPod, etc. It is not your house and, yes, there are people that are interested in using the machine that you are currently using to sit and do nothing on while watching TV.

Mr. or Mrs. I Don't Get Why I'm Not Loosing Weight Going to the Gym - So, you bought a gym membership. Congrats! You are half way to getting skinny and shedding those pounds. Surprisingly, the other half is about working out, which includes cardio, weight lifting, and those things that lift your heart rate up a bit. It's not meant for sitting on your butt or sucking on your 60 ounce Slurpy.

Ms. and Mrs. Spandex - Spandex can be very nice for going to the gym. It breathes, it moves with you, but don't abuse it people. I do not want to see your camel toe poking out, the dimples only your significant other should see, or how big your package is, thank you.

You Want to See My Birthday Suit - You work out. You get sweaty. You have a date afterwards, or, maybe a game of bridge. So, you have to shower at the gym. Great, that's what the shower is for, but parading around like it's a nude beach on Fire Island isn't for the weak of heart. I complement you in your feeling free with your body, but it might not be what everyone wants to see. I'm just saying.

Mr. or Mrs. Sloppy Seconds - Thanks for the offer to let me sit, lean against, rub against your sweaty drippings, but I'd prefer not to. There is a towel and spray for a reason. Use it!

Then, drum role please, there is................

Mr. I See London, I See France, I See Your Underpants (or Worse) - In yoga class or while you are doing leg presses, there are some moves that you shorts slide down. It happens, but it shouldn't a traumatic event, where you are left twitching with disgust or feeling like you opened a naughty magazine. Please, I beg of you, buy some underpants.